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RIDING FROM UTAH TO LAS VEGAS IS LIKE BEING TRANSPORTED FROM A CONVENT TO SATAN'S BEDROOM!
MONDAY! (and Sunday too!) Okay, Okay, OKAY! We know we didn’t post yesterday, but it was Sunday and that is the Sabbath. Not buying it, eh? Well, then we’re just gonna have to tell the truth (unique for us!). Yesterday the 2011 Riding4Beer® Part Duh Tour rolled into Vegas and came to a stop at the Hooters Hotel. Now do you understand why there was no post yesterday? Hell, it’s 4pm today and we’re barely conscious!
That’s right, we’re in Vegas, Baby! And not just anywhere in Vegas, but we're guests at the Hooters Hotel, Resort & Casino. Yesterday, within minutes of checking in we were lounging poolside in our Goodwill swimsuits (purchased in Grand Junction, Colorado for $8 bucks total!), drinking ice cold beers and observing the local wildlife – or should we say “wild life!” (two words!)
Folks, we could stay here forever, and we just might since Hooters has always been one of our loyal sponsors, but the tour must go on! Tomorrow (let’s see, today is Monday so tomorrow must be Tuesday) we’re climbing back on the Harley and heading out. It’s supposed to be record high temperatures around these parts, and while we love hot times, we had something different in mind. We’ll chat again tomorrow from?.....
LOOK, WE KNOW YOU LOVE THE PICS (SINCE MOST OF YOU CAN'T READ), BUT THIS DAMN CASINO INTERNET IS TOO F'ING SLOW TO UPLOAD 'EM! WE PROMISE TONS OF NASTY PHOTOS TOMORROW!
UTAH! REALLY? NO BEER?
SATURDAY! West and South – West and South – West and…. The 2011 Riding4Beer® Part Duh Tour continued it’s momentum with a 400 mile day across the width of Utah and then down its length. We finally gave in to 50 MPH cross winds after two hours of turning our bodies into Jello (not wrestling in Jello - wink, wink!) and found a dive motel in Cedar City.
Okay, here’s what we know about Cedar City and what it’s known for – NOTHING! We haven’t got an f’ing clue, but we’re sure gonna find out. There’s a Sizzler right next door to our motel and what better way to meet locals than over sharing a plate of Malibu Chicken™ (“Malibu Chicken” is registered trademark of Sizzler Restaurants of America and any use without permission limits you to one trip to the Salad Bar!).
But wait! Here’s a better idea! Since we’re in Utah – and drinking here is severely limited and only for heathen agnostic parolees like us – we’ve discovered that pretty much the only bars are in local Mexican restaurants. GOOD NEWS! El Diablo Aguillo Mexicana Cantina (whatever that means) is right across the street in a bright pink and purple stucco building and the waitresses are gorgeous! Can you say “fish taco?”……
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE'RE IN AMERICA AND THE INTERNET HERE (in Cedar City, UT) IS DIAL-UP AND NOT FAST ENOUGH TO UPLOAD PICS OR DOWNLOAD PORN!
WE THOUGHT CHEERS WAS AN OLD TV SHOW!
FRIDAY! After days and daze and daze, the 2011 Riding4Beer® Part Duh Tour has finally moved on. There were issues beginning to evolve in Grand Junction and the time had come to get out of town before we were “escorted” out. It wasn’t that we did anything out of the ordinary (for us), and she did tell us she was over 18, but it was just better to move on before the hunting rifles came out of the pick-up trucks.
Anyway, we continued rolling west and a bit south ending our day in the soon to be famous, Moab, Utah! So here are two quick facts about Moab: 1) you can’t get here from where you are, and; 2) it’s f’ing BEAUTIFUL! Moab is a little town in the middle of the desert at the end of narrow 50 mile road, but it is dwarfed by spectacular cliffs of red sandstone, scenic panoramas of ancient geologic formations and hundreds of college cheerleaders here on a retreat before classes begin. One word – MOAB!
Okay, so aside from the spectacular views (and also the views of the rocks and cliffs and stuff), there was the issue of where to stay since all the “high end” motels like Super8, EconoLodge and Motel 6 were booked full up with nubile pom-pom wavers. Folks, it’s like the Riding4Beer® China Tour all over again – WE'RE STAYING IN AN F’ING HOSTEL! That’s right - $15 bucks a piece, bunk beds with torn sheets and the bathroom down the hall. But it doesn’t really matter does it? Trust us, after a few dozen beers tonight we see a shared Motel 6 room in our future….
FOUR PICS TODAY - BUT YOU WILL LOVE THEM - YOU WILL!!
Here's the last night of three at Hooters! 50 miles of lonely desert highways!
$15 bucks a night and free water for the shower! A few beers & Motel 6 here we come!
IF YOU THINK THOSE JAMACIAN RESORTS ARE WILD YOU NEED TO COME TO GRAND JUNCTION!
THURSDAY! Okay, you’re not gonna believe this, but WE’RE STILL IN GRAND JUNCTION! That’s right, the 2011 Riding4Beer® Part Duh Tour is still firmly planted at the El Cheapo Motel ($29/night, free HBO and free local calls!). But this place is so much more than just a roadside flophouse – it’s a complete resort! Oh yeah, baby, and we stayed to take advantage of EVERYTHING (wink, wink) it has to offer.
So here’s the deal. We didn’t really have any resort wear to put on and hang out by the pool where all the action is. Seriously, think about any major resort and the pool is where all the hot bodies are and where all the fun begins. But that didn’t stop us. What do you think Goodwill is for? Folks, for less than $8 bucks we both got designer swim suit and flip flops and headed for pool.
Folks, you really need to come to Grand Junction and experience this place. The relaxing sound of diesel trucks rolling by on the highway just yards away, the crowds of suntanned and nude guests lounging by the pool (on the Spice Channel on TV in our room), and the ice cold glasses of free sparkling mineral water (from the sink in our room) make this an absolute f’ing paradise. Tomorrow we seriously have to hit the road, but for the remainder of the day…
NOT FOUR, BUT FIVE PICS TODAY - AN ODD NUMBER, HMMM....
She's not a cop, but she is good with handcuffs! Washing the bike with the crowd looking on!
Kevin found the perfect suit for just $4 bucks! Proof! Resort wear for 2 for less than $8
Stacy looks on at all the CRAZY action poolside - WILD BABY, WILD!
HEY MOM! I MADE A MESA IN MY PANTS!
WEDNESDAY – HUMP DAY! Guess what? The 2011 Riding4Beer® Part Duh Tour is still in Grand Junction, Colorado! Why? Well, a variety of issues have caused us to stay put for an extra day. Primarily, we drank perhaps a little too much (a lot too much) beer last night and this morning was a slow morning. So slow in fact, the motel wanted to charge us a “late checkout” fee! we called “Bullshit” on that and said if we have to pay a fee, we’ll just stay here another night – how’s that for a late checkout?
Reason number two – GRAND MESA! Okay, so just like everything else in life, when it comes to mesas, SIZE MATTERS! Grand Mesa (just outside of Grand Junction in the Grand state of Colorado), is about 30 minutes east of here and it’s the biggest mesa of them all! - a 400 square mile flat top soaring 11,000 feet above the desert. Being this close we had to ride the Grand Mesa Highway to the top – and we did – WHEW!
Finally, as we’ve said before, this tour (like all the other tours) has taken on it’s own pace which is a slower, more subtle pace. Yeah right! We’re about as subtle as a hunting dog at a rabbit farm. But subtlety aside, the pace this time is more pensive (that means more thoughtful for you folks working on your GED). HEY, and speaking of thoughtful, we “though” we’d head down to Hooters and get “full” of some more beer and wings! Let’s chat again tomorrow…..
SLOW PICS DAY - ONLY TWO - BUT A VIDEO TO WATCH!
Last night at Hooters - Kevin and a picture of Kevin What a recovery! Today at 11,000 feet on Grand Mesa!
STRAP YOURSELF IN AND RIDE DOWN THE GRAND MESA HIGHWAY!
AS JUNCTIONS GO, THIS ONE IS REALLY GRAND!
TUESDAY! Another day, another ride! Yup! Today the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour is coming to you live from Grand Junction, Colorado. We started the day high in the Rocky Mountains freezing our A-holios off and ended it in the rugged and blistering hot desert of western Colorado. But there’s a reason we picked Grand Junction.
First, what’s with the “Grand” in junction? We’ve had quite a few “junctions” in cheap motels – and some were even grand” – but discretion keeps us from naming names. Actually, while we are here to scare up a “junction” or two (wink, wink), we’re really here because the El Cheapo Motel (Not Kidding – that’s the name) is located literally a block from both a Texas Roadhouse (former and hopefully future sponsor) and a Hooters (former, current and future sponsor).
Folks, we may be here awhile. There’s also a Kmart and a Walmart across the street and down the block. If there was a Waffle House within walking distance we’d be buying real estate for sure! In the meantime, we’re gonna shower off the road grime, we’re gonna put on way too much of that cheap perfume we bought at Kmart and if you wanna chat, call us at either Texas Roadhouse or Hooters – but not too late – by then we’ll be in the middle of a GRAND JUNCTION!...
FOUR PERFECT PICS AND TODAY FOR YOU? A VIDEO!
Rolling down the western side of the Rockies! Look! It's the light at the end of the tunnel!
Coasting (literally) in for gas - dry as a bone! HEY! They stole our saying!
VIDEO, BABY! CLICK AND ENJOY THE RIDE!
WHY ARE THEY CALLED THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS? AREN'T ALL MOUNTAINS MADE OUT OF ROCK?
MONDAY! Hello from the Colorado Rocky Mountains! The 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour has climbed from the boring hot corn/wheat plains to about 10,000 feet and the cold snowy mountains. We’re in some loser little town about 30 miles from Vail (because our sponsor won’t pay for a motel room in Vail) and we’ll be lulled to sleep tonight by the sounds of the interstate just 50 feet from our room!
We’re about two weeks into this travelling circus of moral turpitude and today we crossed the three thousand mile mark. We could have rode farther, but we did spend four days in Sturgis, and every other day on the road we seem to get started late due to the previous night’s beer induced coma. Just like all the other Riding4Beer tours, this one has taken on its own pace - and it’s a slow one. Remember, some things you don’t want to rush through – speed isn’t always a virtue!
So, for those of you playing the game along with us at home, when pull out your maps look for Silverthorne, Colorado. Yup, that’s where we are folks. It’s the red headed step-sister to Vail and Copper Mountain and Breckenridge. Now don’t get us wrong, we’ve had some GREAT times with red headed step-sisters (and usually in cheap motels like this one), but it is sort of sad when a town’s motto is, “the better ski runs are 30 miles west.” Tomorrow, who knows where we’ll be, but here’s a clue – IT WON’T F’ING BE SILVERTHORNE, COLORADO!.....
FOUR LITTLE PICTURES JUST FOR YOU!
Yes, we closed down another bar! Needless to say, we didn't leave cash!
Rocky Mountain HIGH! Dairy Queen Baby! BLIZZARD!
IT'S RAINING CATS & DOGS - WE KNOW BECAUSE WE STEPPED IN A POODLE!
SUNDAY! Happy Sunday and a special hello to all you good church going folks out there! We love Sundays here on the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour because when we’re riding in the “Heartland” there aren’t any cars on the roads for miles. It’s the one day of the week we like Christianity – and for two reasons! 1) Everybody is in church and we have the roads to ourselves and; 2) We’re NOT in church!
Folks, we started the day heading south in Nebraska across the “panhandle” - whatever the f*ck that is. Anyway, we discovered that if you ride south across the panhandle of Nebraska you end up in Colorado! We probably should have looked at a map but that whole one inch equals one mile confuses Kevin since he thinks 4 inches equals 10 inches. Colorado, can you believe it? We thought Colorado was a western state and Nebraska was the mid-west, but they touch – ever so gently!
So here’s the deal. We know we still need to head south (eventually), but big green Doppler radar blobs were there (note that we can use computer based Doppler radar but not read a roadmap). And since we don’t like getting wet unless we’re in a bed with vinyl sheets and under black lights, we turned west. We know this is the third right turn of the Tour, but we had to do it. Anyway, we’re safely dry with thunderstorms all around (and on) us in Fort Collins, Colorado for the night. Depending on the weather tomorrow, we’ll either continue west, turn back south or stay put. Oh, and it also depends on what happens with “Fort-Collins-Escorts-To-Your-Room.com” tonight…..
FOUR WONDERFUL SUNDAY PICS UPLOADED JUST FOR YOU!
Sundays on the road - this is the REAL heaven! Wheeling out of Greele,CO McDonald's
View from our motel room in Fort Collins - CORN! Stacy cleaned 5 rooms to get a free one for us!
SO NOW WE KNOW WHERE CORN GROWS - BUT WHERE DOES CANDY CORN GROW?
SATURDAY! Folks, we’re no longer in Rapid City, Sturgis or even South Dakota. Nope, the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour has moved on. Where you ask? Well, it was time to make the second right turn of the trip and head south. That’s right – we’re in Scott’s Bluff, Nebraska! The land of corn, cows, wheat and other farm stuff too!
First off, let’s talk about the ride out of Rapid City, through the Black Hills and into the plains of America. Okay, let’s not talk about it – it was just too exciting to re-live right now. Imagine if you will, riding 200 miles in a perfectly straight line with nothing on either side of the road all the way to the horizon. Kevin actually fell asleep for 15 minutes or so and it didn’t affect the ride at all!
So, now let’s talk about Scott’s Bluff. It’s a pretty small town. The “Welcome to Scott’s Bluff” sign is printed on both sides. But here’s the deal. We found a GREAT motel that recently was purchased and is undergoing room-by-room rehab. We’re first to stay in room number 152 and trust when we say they’ll need new carpet again after we’re done changing the bike’s oil. But get this – the owner gave us free beer when we checked in, said he’ll personally cook us breakfast in the morning and gave us directions to a Grill & Pub to drink ourselves out of our Nebraska minds tonight! Aren’t you glad you asked?....
FOUR GLORIOUS PICS JUST FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
A clean bike is the sign of a dirty mind - YES! Life is so good their car broke down!
Stacy took this picture while Kevin was sleeping! Our motel - NOT KIDDING! - $17.95 a night!
EVERYBODY WANTS TO SEE JUSTICE DONE - TO SOMEBODY ELSE!
FRIDAY! JUSTICE PREVAILS! The 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour can continue its path of mayhem and moral destruction! At Kevin’s hearing today ALL charges were dropped and his Public Defender didn’t have to even say a word in court. Of course Stacy had a private “meeting” with the judge before the hearing started and that probably convinced him of the right legal decision. Small town justice, baby!
So to celebrate we immediately rode to the Full Throttle Saloon in Sturgis. This is the world’s largest biker bar and serves as many as 50,000 thirsty riders at a time. Kevin was so excited over being out from under the cloud of the law; he jumped behind the bar and began serving up free beers for all takers. Management didn’t particularly go along with this idea so guess what happened? Yup, Kevin was arrested again and carted off to the courthouse. A second arrest in as many days was hard to swallow (wink, wink) for Stacy, but she had another “meeting” with the judge and once again the charges were dropped.
Folks, we’ve probably overstayed our welcome here in Rapid City and Sturgis. Tomorrow we’re gonna hit the road but we’re still not sure where we’re going. That minor detail will be decided tonight after a beer or 20 and it’ll not only come as a surprise tomorrow to you, but to us as well! The next time you read this (and that better be tomorrow) we’ll be God knows where doing God knows what!....
THREE FABULOUS PICS AND AN AWESOME VIDEO!
Leaving the Public Defender's Office a winner! The plaintiff stormed out of court pissed!
Just before Kevin's second arrest!
WANNA SEE KEVIN DOING MOTORCYCLE TRICKS? CLICK BELOW AND ENJOY!
EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT THE WEATHER BUT NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
THURSDAY! Sturgis Day Two for the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour! Let’s see, a quick rundown on the highlights. Kevin’s probation hearing from his arrest yesterday has been postponed until tomorrow afternoon, so sad as it is – WE GET TO STAY ANOTHER NIGHT IN STURGIS! We celebrated by shopping in the “biker clothing” booths set up all along the main street. Think of them as Rodeo Drive only different!
OH, and here’s some news. We are currently under a “tornado warning” issued by the National Weather Service. Of course that ABSOLUTELY meant we had to go out riding to see what this government control B.S. was all about. Well, it turns out it means blinding f’ing winds and hailstones the size of….of….of stones (wink, wink - if you know what kinda stones we’re talkin’ about). Anyway, we spent the better part of the afternoon hold up under a overpass on the freeway while the storm blew through.
But folks, you know what? It’s all good! And it’s all good for a very simple reason. Last night we found a bar just two blocks for our motel that serves $1 pints of delicious ice cold Budweiser (the f’ing KING OF BEERS and our proud sponsor) all night long! Now we’re not heavy drinkers (lie), but at a buck a beer and with $40 dollars from the ATM we’re set! Tornados? Rain? Hail? Wind? Who the f*ck cares!.....
PICS, BABY, PICS! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PHOTOS!
Just like Rodeo Drive - Only a little different! YUP, her shorts say EXACTELY what you think!
It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood! Lunch under a supermarket awning in the hail!
SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT - TWO BITS! BIKE WASH AND ARREST - $705!
WEDNESDAY! HUMP DAY! It’s the first full day for the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour in Sturgis and boy was it a full day! Imagine a little town of 10,000 population in the Black Hills that is overrun with half a million bikers. Now imagine that the weather is hot and the beer is cold. PERFECT!
First things, first – we got a new front tire for the bike (boring), we got a bunch of cheap t-shirts to wear back home so people will ask us if we’ve been to Sturgis (egotistical) but most importantly, Kevin got the bike washed at the Bikini Bike Wash and Stacy learned how to cook Vegatable Cordon Bleu. Okay, the bike wash is where the trouble sort of began.
Kevin felt that he should “help” the bike washers with their uniforms and they – along with the Sturgis Police – had a different opinion. Let’s just say that the whole $5 dollar wash ended up costing $5 (bike wash), $500 (bail) and $200 (Public Defender). All of this was happening while Stacy was taking a French cooking lesson at the Sturgis Culinary Academy! The good news is that now we’re back in Rapid City for the night and….. the evening is young!
FOUR PICS TODAY FROM DOWNTOWN STURGIS!
Stacy's instructor (chef) at the Culinary Inistitute! Meantime, Kevin followed them to the bike wash!
Here's how the bike wash started - simple, right? Here's how the bike wash ended - EXPENSIVE!
ONE WORD - STURGIS, BABY! OKAY, TWO WORDS.
TUESDAY! STURGIS BABY! That’s right, the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour rolled into Sturgis today and we’re here until Friday. Okay, technically we’re in Rapid City, South Dakota, but that’s because we’re too cheap (read our sponsors are too cheap) to pay $400 a night to stay at the Motel 6 in Sturgis. aNYWAY, Rapid City is just a few miles away, and besides, they don’t call it “Rapid” for nothing!
We’re at the same motel we stayed at a few years ago (they didn't recognize us!) and that’s where the “Rapid” part comes in. Within 15 minutes of checking in we had three different " female cosmotology students working their way through school” in hot pants, fishnet stockings and 6” heels offering to “check out” out room. Folks, even for us, THAT’S RAPID! We got their numbers and will call 'em later for a waxing.
So here’s the deal. After a week on the road, we did our laundry at the local coin-op, we picked up some much needed supplies at Walmart and now we’re set! Tomorrow we’ll spend the day at Sturgis buying cheap sh*t we don’t need and getting a new tire for the bike. Thursday we’ll do the same (except for the tire – DUH!) and roll outta here on Friday. Every night we’ll spend drinking with 500,000 bikers in the largest bars in the world (serving 50,000 at a time – NOT KIDDING!). Folks, the next few days will be UNBELIEVABLE, so check it out…
NO PICS TODAY - BUT VIDEOS? WE GOT THREE OF THEM BY POPULAR REQUEST!
Keystone City, South Dakota - Still FIFTY miles from Sturgis!
The final 10 miles into Sturgis on any given afternoon!
THE ONLY EASY DAY WAS YESTERDAY!
MONDAY! Hello and greetings from Casper, Wyoming! The 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour made it (finally) all the way across the state. Let’s just say that it’s not as easy as it looks on TV. Remember, we started our day in Jackson Hole (think overpriced yuppie-ville) and we didn’t get out of that “J-Hole” until almost noon – not our fault! – we’re victims!
A problem with the rear tire’s valve stem (identified by our daily morning pre-ride safety check) sent us to the local Harley dealer for help. Okay, this is Jackson Hole where people, even the Harley dealership employees, don’t get their hands dirty doing “mechanical stuff with their hands.” But they are REALLY good at selling $50 T-shirts (not to us)! We finally found an Eagle Rider shop and they fixed the valve stem (free), filled the tire with air (free) and replaced a burned out brake-light ($5!). LOVE ‘EM!
By noon we were finally “dead-heading” across the plains of Wyoming. So for all of you folks that have never been here, or have only been here in a car or a truck or a bus or a correctional institution vehicle, afternoons are known for thunder storms and high winds. Folks, (this next part is gross so read at your own peril) the cross winds at one point (70mph) were blowing in one nostril and shooting snot out the other one (we warned you!). The good news is that it was all washed away with the blinding rain. Atround 7pm, we rolled into Casper, 400 miles from our start, dead tired but ready (always) for a few (10 each) beers! Tomorrow – on to STURGIS, BABY!.....
FOUR PICS TODAY BUT NO VIDEO - SNOT GOT ON THE LENSE!
It all looks so tame when you first start out! These fluffy monsters turn into blinding rain!
The road follows the red ridge into crazy wind! Kevin's parole officer found him in Casper!
WHEN YOU SAY "GRAND TETONS," LOOK US IN THE EYES!
SUNDAY! Folks, the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour FINALLY made our first right turn! That’s right, we’ve “officially” turned east. We started out in Twin Falls, Idaho (don’t ask!), and now were in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Along the way there were tons of places we never want to live – check that – tons of places we never want to EVER even go back to visit!
Okay, so did you know there are places like Rupert and Burney, Idaho? Let’s just say that these places are what the world will look like when it ends! It’s not that we don’t like single-wide mobile homes (we’ve had plenty of good times in them!), but entire cities of them? OH! And don’t bother watching TV – “Sister Wives” is a real, real life show in these towns. It’s scary but true, people actually live here!
So after passing through “Ghetto in Idaho,” we crossed the Grand Tetons. Okay, in our opinion they’re nice tetons, but they really aren’t “grand.” If you wanna see some “Grand” Tetons, then you should check out Rashelia in space 21 back at our trailer park. Now those are some GRAND Tetons! Anyway, we’re in Jackson Hole and tomorrow we’re continuing east to…..
PICS? OH YEAH, BABY! FOUR PICS AND ANOTHER AWESOME VIDEO!
Snake River Canyon - Yes, the sky is WHITE! A bar with saddles - REALLY?
Stacy with new friends just out on parole! LOOK! Kevin hired a new dental hygenist!
RIDING A 12% DOWNHILL GRADE INTO THE SNAKE RIVER CANYON!
IF A "TWIN FALLS" IN THE FOREST DOES IT MAKE A NOISE?
SATURDAY! Hey Everybody, the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour is in Twin Falls, Idaho! When we first got here Stacy was so excited she jumped off the bike and ran down the street yelling, “I – da – hoe!” Of course we already knew that, but the people here in Twin Falls certainly didn’t! But seriously, what do they know? If they knew any better they wouldn’t be living in Twin Falls now would they?
Folks, today was a GREAT day (and it’s not over yet!). It was a classic example of “Excellence in Motorcycle Riding.” We rolled about 300 miles northeast from Winnemucca under cloudy skies – which soon turned dark and ominous and thunderous and lighteningous and then the rain came. It wasn’t heavy, it cooled us off, but any rain on a motorcycle at 60 miles an hour feels like needles jabbing your arms and face.
We also got to go to the head of the line and follow a “pilot car” through a construction zone where overpaid and underworked state employees were repaving a perfectly good road with Obama dollars to stimulate the economy. Nice Debt Ceiling! Finally, we had a veritable feast at Golden Corral for dinner and the waitress wants to party with us later! We’re meeting her at some dive bar literally next door to our dive motel (convenient, eh?) and by tomorrow you should all expect a call from us to post bail….
FOUR PICS AND A VIDEO - LIFE IS GOOD!
This is a thunder storm coming at you! Our own personal pilot car, baby!
All you can eat for just $9.99 plus beverage! We ARE gonna "help ourselves to happiness!"
THIS IS RAIN ON A MOTORCYCLE - TURN UP YOUR SOUND AND LISTEN!
TALK ABOUT A PARTY! HOW ABOUT THAT DONNER PARTY?
FRIDAY! Hey everybody, the weekend is here! Time to kick back, have a few beers, have a few more beers, have a few more beers and enjoy the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour. We can honestly say that’s what we’re doing! Today was a long hot 350 mile day that began late (because of more than a few beers the night before at Hooters), and ended just as it should – In Winnemucca, Nevada!
But first things first. The day started with a little Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, only without the Zen. A burned out rear left turn signal sorta kinda fried a few wires along the way, so after a quick trip to Pep Boys and a roll of electrical tape, the tour could continue. We headed off north and east from Sacramento which is sorta sideways if you look at a map. We know we’re supposed to only ride in straight lines, but sideways is fun sometimes, right? Wink, wink!
Anyway, we crossed the Sierras over Donner Summit and down into Reno for lunch. Reno bills itself as the “Biggest Little City in the World,” but if that’s true, wouldn’t it also be the “Littlest Big city in the World” too? Anyway, after lunch we headed out across the Great Basin Desert for 170 miles to the wonderful and exciting town of Winnemucca, Nevada. Folks, we’re staying in a dive motel right on main street, there’s a dumpy casino next door that sells $1 longneck Budweisers (we love ya Bud!) and remember – it’s the weekend!.....
ONLY TWO PICS - BUT WAIT! A VIDEO!
A new bulb, some tape, a few screws and..... RENO! The "Littlest Big City in the World!
RIDING OVER THE DONNER SUMMIT - SIT BACK CLICK AND HOLD ON!
WHEN AMERICA WAS BORN DID THOMAS JEFFERSON IMAGINE THIS?
Folks, tomorrow (or today depending on when you're reading this) we"re on the road out of this "Sacramento place" where dreams come to die. Okay, it is the "city of trees" but who the f*ck cares about Red Dutch Maples? We only care about ..... (oh, like you don't care about that?). Look, we came to our birthplace, we visited our kin (and asked for money) and now it's time to leave.
But wait! Is that what life is all about? A few minutes with a distant relative explaining your bogus investment idea that involves German Shepards and Latex? Okay, maybe your life isn't like that, but we sold almost 10,000 shares of stock in our soon to be formed corporation that.....well.....er....ah.....it's not really a corporation and....er...ah.... Folks, the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour is heading out of town at first light...
PICS - THERE ARE ALWAYS PICS - LOOK AT 'EM!
Stacy only had 4 double beers to start the night! While Kevin occupied himself in another way!
Stacy became "good" friends with the manager. Kevin....Really? How much did you drink?
NAME A FAMOUS PERSON BORN IN SACRAMENTO - BESIDES KEVIN & STACY!
Anyway, we left Fresno before noon today to beat the heat. But let's talk about Fresno some more. We thought it was weird that our motel had these crazy room rates - like $10/hr - but then we found out it was to support the "Street Capitalism" going on just 50 ft from our room! Oh yeah! We not only had a cheap motel, we had one that was on the "stroll" and rented rooms by the hour! Let's just say that since we rented a room for an entire nigt we were VERY popular!
So back to today. The next stop was somewhere between Stockton and Sacramento to visit our aunt - she's got cash falling out of her pockets! Well, the bad news is that all the money fell out because of a hole in her pocket so no luck there for us! After that disappointment we fiinally we made it to Sacramento where we found another cheap motel, talked Stacy's brother into loaning us his car for the night and began drinking heavily. Who cares? It's not our car, right? Folks, the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour is about to get REAL interesting - see ya tomorrow!....
PHOTOS - LOOK AT THE PHOTOS!
50ft. from our room! (zoom lense/bad focus!) Tomato trucks - Sacramento - say " KETCHUP!"
Stacy met them by showing off her brother's car! BUT...... HEY! Where's his right hand!
"MAMA & BAKERSFIELD" - THE FIRST 2 WORDS AN OKIE BABY LEARNS!
TUESDAY! Hola, Bonjour and HELLO from the 2011 Riding4Beer Part Duh Tour! We made it out of Palm Springs and about 350 miles north before we tossed in the towel, gave up the ghost and just plain f'ing stopped with heat exhaustion. We thought we left early enough, but at 7am it was already 104 degrees and we were crossing the Mojave Desert. By 3 pm we were in California's Central Valley, but the air temp was 110 and it was 125 f'ing sizzling degrees on the bike! Can you say, "Fresno?"
Yup, we in Fresno, baby! Let's see, what's Fresno famous for besides agriculture, prostitution, violent crime and a sh*tty Division 1A college football team? OH! For those of you on the Left coast of the United States, the IRS Service Center is located here, so mail in those taxes and help reduce the debt ceiling! Look, we're only here for the night (and the prostitution and violent crime) so it's not like we're shopping for real estate. We have a room at Brand X motel (sorry Econolodge - sponsor to the stars!) and it's less than a block to a Denny's that has a FULL SERVICE bar! Can you say Budweiser? (also sponsor to the stars!).
Along the way we followed a hay truck that dumped half of its straw on us at 65 miles an hour, we saw a truck's brakes catch on fire coming down the Tehachapi pass and we cruised down Buck Owens Blvd in Bakersfield looking for a McDonalds (ice cream, baby!). It was all VERY interesting and a slice of good ol' America - but we really don't want to repeat it. We've dropped our bags in Fresno for the night, Denny's is SCREAMING at us to hydrate in their bar and, and, and..... we'll chat again tomorrow!
FOUR PICS TO SHOW YOUR SPOUSE AND FRIENDS!
First gas stop of the trip - Palmdale - YUK! Why would your brakes catch fire? Pussy!
At 65mph straw feeling like arrows! Look close - BUCK OWENS BLVD - YEA HAW!
