THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS IS USUALLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION!
FRIDAY! Can you say Bakersfield? It's the first word a trailer park baby learns after "attention K-Mart Shoppers!" Okay, lets name the California party towns in geographic order from South to North: Bakersfield (of course), Fresno (Bakersfield with trees), Stockton (murder capital of California) and Sacramento (where dreams go to die). In our 9 hour 500 mile drive from Palm Springs (YEAH BABY!) to Sacra-tomato we actually stopped in each of these cities for more beer, more Cheetos and to see if we could pick up a stray hooker or two that needed a ride and would spring for gas. The AM-PM didn't have any Cheetos in Fresno!
So here we are in Sacramento, Kevin's birthplace and where Stacy was raised from about age zero (her parents moved here one night after the whole cheerleader/hot tub issue involving her dad sorta blew up). We tried to get a room at the Econolodge (free breakfast in lobby - cornflakes and powdered milk!) but they had no vacancies. Motel 6 wasn't $6 bucks (lying bastards!) so we ended up with a room at the Riverside Family Motel for just $19 dollars a night. As far as we can tell it's not beside any river (it's beside the sewage treatment inlet) and if the other guests are families then "daddy" should make his "daughter" quit wearing fishnet stockings and garter belts!
Look, we're here on a mission. It's Kevin's family reunion (held annually every 6 years - don't ask) and we're hoping a few of his relatives might front us some cash to bring the sub-prime mortgage on our mobile home current. We'd much rather accept charity from family for this rather than money from the government's bailout plan. Come on, family just gets pissed and yells at you when you don't pay 'em back - the government sues your ass! Folks, we know that most people hate family reunions but WE LOVE THEM! That's because we go with a plan that involves plenty of beer...
Bakersfield - Where Tator Tots were invented! Over 500,000 people live in Fresno - "Little City?"
Our motel in Sacramento - Hey its only $19 a night! You can't do anything fun at the sewage treatment inlet!
So here we are in Sacramento, Kevin's birthplace and where Stacy was raised from about age zero (her parents moved here one night after the whole cheerleader/hot tub issue involving her dad sorta blew up). We tried to get a room at the Econolodge (free breakfast in lobby - cornflakes and powdered milk!) but they had no vacancies. Motel 6 wasn't $6 bucks (lying bastards!) so we ended up with a room at the Riverside Family Motel for just $19 dollars a night. As far as we can tell it's not beside any river (it's beside the sewage treatment inlet) and if the other guests are families then "daddy" should make his "daughter" quit wearing fishnet stockings and garter belts!
Look, we're here on a mission. It's Kevin's family reunion (held annually every 6 years - don't ask) and we're hoping a few of his relatives might front us some cash to bring the sub-prime mortgage on our mobile home current. We'd much rather accept charity from family for this rather than money from the government's bailout plan. Come on, family just gets pissed and yells at you when you don't pay 'em back - the government sues your ass! Folks, we know that most people hate family reunions but WE LOVE THEM! That's because we go with a plan that involves plenty of beer...
Bakersfield - Where Tator Tots were invented! Over 500,000 people live in Fresno - "Little City?"
Our motel in Sacramento - Hey its only $19 a night! You can't do anything fun at the sewage treatment inlet!
YEAH, That's just one of many plans your twisted minds have cooked up you lucky bastards! Sooooo, just remember the long arm of the law! Yeah, it reaches to Sacramento! (you would not know that judging by the folks that sit in the Capitol).
Just sayin'
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You two beer guzzleing slobs gonna get together with the fam-damily - sounds like fun! Well, we find those words fit you both well because you live in a trailer park, you get public assistance, you party everyday and you hangout with strippers and pimps. That pretty much sums it up with you two, but remember these words, we cannot help but love you silly bastards to the end. Have a great weekend you worked hard for it. Go Raiders.
guy and cary.
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